If, at times of darkness, my words are best- this is the exception. I'm circling the streets, hoping to be spirited away. I put one mud-encrusted foot after another, taunted by a sensurround of laughter. Something is being pulled apart, and I am too folded into myself to be involved. Will the speed of my gait cause me and that something to become merely an overlap? If that is improprable, I will still keep on trying. The survival of the shell is not even enough to not matter- in fact, it will be laid on the altar as a suspiciously ready sacrifice. A prayer will be said. Divine Ones, it implores, have no mercy. Make me the night. Make me the raindrops that bear down heavily on the next despairing traveller. Let her feel momentarily that the thunderstorm is a kindred spirit- that wished as hard as she to find the end of the road.

Link

To all our friends in Iloilo and Bacolod, please don't miss this!

As I write this, I am hoping that I don't have much longer to live.

What am I, after all? A benign cyst in this world. Far too insignificant to any one person to be even considered malignant. Perhaps accessory in some little things, but never irreplaceable. Not necessary for the fulfillment of any essentiality in this world. I have not made a mark on anybody that goes to the core- perhaps I have brushed the arm of one or two around me, perhaps a few have turned their heads as a natural instinct as I passed by.

But if I am gone? Nothing will change.

It is on this day that I realize how little love there is in my direction, not that I am expecting more. But there's alone, and there's alone, and I am the latter, even in a crowd.

I don't even wish for things to be otherwise. This is my life, my world, and I have accepted it long ago. It just smarts when things reaffirm themselves and I wake briefly from my state of surreality.

Q What would have on your headstone?
A Bedspace for rent. Call: 09182648006

Q What's your dream car?
A A pick-up that can accommodate all my friends for beach trips!

Q Is pornography morally wrong?
A Probably, but it’s rather entertaining. :P

Q Write the opening line of a wonderful novel
A Pamela is now a fan of this “wonderful novel”. Become a fan?

Q What's the best music video ever?
A Key to My Life by Boyzone. Hehehe.

Q If you had a big win in the lottery, how long would you wait to tell people?
A I’d tell Vince and Nino as soon as I got the money- and lend it to them for clinic expansion. Hahaha!

Q Do you carry a donor card? Why (or why not)?
A No, because goddesses don’t actually HAVE vital organs.

Q Where would you like to retire?
A Irish countryside.

Q What is something you wish you were better at doing?
A Circus acrobatics.

Q What colour do you prefer your pens to write?
A Bronze.

Q Are babies cute?
A Generally, yeah.

Q Do you subscribe to a magazine? If so, what?
A Nah.

Q What's your favorite shape?
A Irregular ones.

Q What was the last thing you used a microwave for?
A A sandwich, methinks.

Q What book are you reading?
A The Famished Road by Ben Okri

Q Do you like rollercoasters?
A LOVE em!

Q Which came first – the chicken or the egg?
A The chicken goddess that came out of thin air and got so bored that she decided to lay an egg.

Q Cite a song lyric that means something to you
A “Alone again…naturally.”

Q What's the best photo you've ever taken?
A A photo of myself. My self-portraits are the best. :P

Q Write a new couch gag for the opening credits of The Simpsons
A I don’t watch TV so I can’t relate to this one.

Q Tell me a knock knock joke
A Knock knock? Who’s there? Me, let me in. I’m late for work and forgot my access card. (You didn’t say it had to be funny.)

Q Describe yourself in five words
A contradictory, passionate, sarcastic, surreal, scatterbrained

Q Who should play James Bond now that the role is vacant?
A Me! I’m tired of this job. It’d be an interesting change of career.

Q Write a haiku (3 lines, 5–7-5 syllables)
A Writing a haiku

   I am writing a haiku.

   End of the haiku.

Q What comic book (or cartoon) character would you be? Why?
A Delirium from Sandman, someone said. My brains are tangled up into incoherent patterns and I tend to spurt random nonsense. And when you least expect it, I’ll say or do something sagely. Watch out.

Q What's the oldest thing you own?
A A “London” wallet from my dad.

Q What's your favourite word?
A Meow.

Q What word(s) do you hate?
A Woof.

BROWN- In love with a friend

GREEN- It's complicated.

BLUE- Friends only/ Not willing to be attached.

YELLOW- Happily single!

WHITE- Still trying to move on.

SILVER- Taken more than once! Choices, choices.

GOLD- Single but exclusive- VIP access only!

VIOLET- Single but in love/ with eyes for someone.

BLACK- Does not believe in all the V-day crap.

*Choose your color wisely, friends! As for me, I'm happily single!*

Angel faces:

Brave young suitor,

Damsel in distress.

 

Innocence.

Birdsong,

Tragic little tale.

 

 

 

 

 

You know how the story goes.

They’ll trample her wings,

            and he’ll sweep her away from her cruel plight,

                        and straight into his arms.

 

But while she waits for “…ever after”,

    you can’t help but be stricken

            by her haunted, haunted eyes.

 

Put your player on shuffle and hit the 'Next' button to get your answer to every question. You must indicate the title and artist, no matter how far-fetched it sounds. Tag people who might be interested in doing this same thing. No cheating.

 

In this case, tag yourselves! =)

 

 

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
“Tonight”- West Side Story

(Um, their nocturnal activities, you mean?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

“Could We Start Again, please?” –Jesus Christ Superstar

(Time travel, apparently.)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
“Love Changes Everything” –Aspects of Love

(Hey, that’s spot on!)

 

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
“Tell Me on A Sunday” –Song and Dance

(Can they tell me this Saturday instead? Suspense is killing me.)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
“I Know Him So Well” –Chess

(Well, if I keep thinking about my knowledge of him, obviously I’ll end up knowing it well.)

 

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
“Last Night of The World” –Ms. Saigon

(If I can’t have you-nobody will! Bwahahaha!)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
“The Phantom of the Opera”

(Um. Very…apt?)

 

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
“Someone like You” –Jekyll and Hyde

(hahahaha!)

 

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
“Poisoning Pigeons in the Park”

(That’s harsh, Mom!)

 

WHAT SONG WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
“Green Finch and Linnet Bird” –Sweeney Todd

(Wedding motif: aviary)


WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

“Johanna” –Sweeney Todd

(And my ghost will be wailing, “You didn’t even get my name right!)

 

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
“As if we never said goodbye” –Sunset Boulevard

(Walking out and…coming back! Cracks me up every time!)

 

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
“What is this feeling” –Wicked

(Loathing, unadulterated loathing---for your face!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
“I’m not that girl” –Wicked

(That’s right- I’m ME and they’re…mostly not even girls. But wicked, yes.)

 

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
“You must love me” –Evita

(Someone telling me that---how desperate can you get? ;))

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
“Another Suitcase, Another Hall” –Evita

(Noted. Must stay away from suspicious luggage and corridors.)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
“Whistle down the wind”

(I should have yelled instead- they were so deaf!)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
“Unexpected Song” –Song and Dance

(ie. My friends suddenly breaking into song at inappropriate moments. Silly.)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
“A Little Night Music”

(Sigh…)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
“Cell Block Tango” –Chicago

(Getting arrested? That would really be the pits!)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
“All that Jazz” –Chicago

(M-hmmm. ALL of it.)

 

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
“I Have Dreamed” –The King and I

(…that your arms are lovely. But when I saw them, they were full of bumps and lumps. So disappointing.)

WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
“Someone Else’s Story”-Chess

(With the non sequiturs abounding, it probably IS!)

ON THE RADIO by REGINA SPEKTOR

 

 

This is how it works

It feels a little worse

Than when we drove our hearse

Right through that screaming crowd

While laughing up a storm

Until we were just bone

Until it got so warm

That none of us could sleep

And all the styrofoam

Began to melt away

We tried to find some words

To aid in the decay

But none of them were home

Inside their catacomb

A million ancient bees

Began to sting our knees

While we were on our knees

Praying that disease

Would leave the ones we love

And never come again

 

On the radio

We heard November Rain

That solo's really long

But it's a pretty song

We listened to it twice

'Cause the DJ was asleep

 

This is how it works

You're young until you're not

You love until you don't

You try until you can't

You laugh until you cry

You cry until you laugh

And everyone must breathe

Until their dying breath

 

No, this is how it works

You peer inside yourself

You take the things you like

And try to love the things you took

And then you take that love you made

And stick it into some

Someone else's heart

Pumping someone else's blood

And walking arm in arm

You hope it don't get harmed

But even if it does

You'll just do it all again

 

And on the radio

You hear November Rain

That solo's awful long

But it's a good refrain

You listen to it twice

'Cause the DJ is asleep

On the radio

(oh oh oh)

On the radio

On the radio - uh oh

On the radio - uh oh

On the radio - uh oh

On the radio

PAPER BAG by FIONA APPLE

 

I was staring at the sky, just looking for a star

To pray on, or wish on, or something like that

I was having a sweet fix of a daydream of a boy

Whose reality I knew, was a hopeless to be had

 

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope

And I believed for a moment that my chances

Were approaching to be grabbed

But as it came down near, so did a weary tear

-i thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

 

-hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

Cuz I know Im a mess he dont wanna clean up

I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold

 

-hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb

Looking for a little hope

 

Baby said he couldnt stay, wouldnt put his lips to mine,

And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I said, honey, I dont feel so good, dont feel justified

 

Come on put a little love here in my void, - he said

its all in your head, and I said, sos everything -

But he didnt get it - I thought he was a man

But he was just a little boy

 

-hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

Cuz I know Im a mess he dont wanna clean up

I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold

 

-hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

-hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills

 

Cuz I know Im a mess he dont wanna clean up

I got to fold cuz these hands are too shaky to hold

-hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Okay, beautiful ones all the same. Here’s how I began my holiday season:

 

• Finally summoned up courage to join “Siddhartha”, in which I underwent various stages of anxiety before the auditions, nearly backed out a couple of times, forgot my song on the day of the callbacks, and had to walk to Chu’un and got bad bruises on the first rehearsal. Then got chided for being “spoiled” by Vince, since I was dependent on him while learning the steps. Never thought the day would arrive when it wouldn’t be the other way around.

 

• We botched up our St. Francis and STC performances.

 

 

• Just when my schedule started to get crazy and I lacked sleep, our targets at the office increased to a ridiculously high number.

 

• After which I got so stressed that I became sick, and had to miss work for 2 days.

 

• I missed a Sidd rehearsal to go to VOP practice for the Pastorella mass, and when the day arrived, I couldn’t get out of bed.

 

• And later that day, I received a new book from the Build X-mas party, only to leave it, one other book I borrowed, and my scarf for the upcoming night’s exchange---in the taxi.

 

• All the snacks for the San Remegio trip were placed in the other car, and we starved half to death.

 

• We had to go to the bathroom in between the long trip, just when the rain decided to pour REALLY hard and we got drenched in the rain.

 

• My cough got really bad and I couldn’t go night swimming as I’d originally planned.

 

• Had to go back to Cebu early because I still have work on the holidays.

 

 

In spite of that, there were great times in between, thanks to these amazing people:

 

• It was Vince who choreographed my audition piece, and who dueted with me on that day, even if that backfired. (Hi, Jude!) He pushed me, and snapped at me, walked out on me (when drunk, hehe) and rooted for me, and held me when I was nervous, and I am ever grateful to him for it. In fact, through everything, everything! (with the exception of work), he was there for me and I owe a lot of my realizations and pivotal points to his presence.

 

 

• Nyor Bing was very understanding and supportive of our participation in Siddhartha, despite our commitment to VOP at the same time, and occasional conflicting schedules.

 

• My former JCS (and presently SIDD) castmates were ever patient with my loading tendencies (10-second memory) and great drinking buddies after rehearsals, at that.

 

 

• Jude was surprisingly nice during the auditions, I never expected to receive any compliments and encouragement from him, despite all my prior bullying. And I’m surprised and flattered that he chose to befriend me and share me a lot of his thoughts, out of the blue. Jude, you still take the prize for most evil laugh, though. Bantay lang ka. :P

 

• My officemates, for making up for my absences. Peace, guys! ;D

 

 

 

• VOJ and VOP, my ever constant choirmates and good friends, never fail to make me laugh and fill my tummy and make me want to rub THEIR tummies! :D I LOVE YOU GUYS!

 

Looking for personable and attractive young males or females (but preferably females) with lots of time on their hands for a 24 day gig as promodizers for our company.

Must be assertive, sociable, with good English communication skills, and willing to work 8 hrs a day starting Nov 15 in various malls/hang-out places in Cebu.

If you're a bum and hoping to earn a bit of money in the meantime, and this is your kind of scene...contact me for details! My mobile is 09188252378 and office landline, 4119224. We need FIVE! Hit me back ASAP! :D

 

 

Unlike traditional magic-themed shows, CRISS ANGEL Believe transcends any preconceived notion of what it means to be emotionally engaged by the arts of mysticism and illusion. Imagine a fantasy, an allegory, a highly theatrical tableau of mood, reverie and emotion set against a backdrop of dreamlike darkness and light.

*****************************

Criss Angel stars as a surreal, enigmatic Victorian Noble. Along a path of imaginative exploration, he encounters Kayala and Crimson, two women who represent different aspects of femininity, four bizarre Ushers, who will introduce the audience to the baroque theater of Criss’s mind and a high-energy troupe of characters and dancers who mix a multitude of styles into a high-energy visual feast, punctuated by moments of grace and sensuality.

 

 

 

Corteo, which means "cortege" in Italian, is a joyous procession, a festive parade imagined by a clown. The show brings together the passion of the actor with the grace and power of the acrobat to plunge the audience into a theatrical world of fun, comedy and spontaneity situated in a mysterious space between heaven and earth.

 

The clown pictures his own funeral taking place in a carnival atmosphere, watched over by quietly caring angels. Juxtaposing the large with the small, the ridiculous with the tragic and the magic of perfection with the charm of imperfection, the show highlights the strength and fragility of the clown, as well as his wisdom and kindness, to illustrate the portion of humanity that is within each of us. The music, by turns lyrical and playful, carries Corteo through a timeless celebration in which illusion teases reality.

 

 

5 SENSUAL LESSONS from Cirque du Soleil’s Zumanity

5. Take a moment to appreciate that sex really is beautiful (Or as our beloved Mistress of Sensuality says, “Well it is if you have a partner!”)

(I wish I did.)

 

4. Be open to trying everything once… and then once more for good measure! (Thrice is pushing it, in my book. There are so many other things to try, and life is short.)  ;D

 

3. Strawberries and roses are nice, but feathers, leathers and silks add spice!

(Black lace is never overrated.)

2. Be wary of strange and exotic gigolos

(You should have told me that before. Hahaha!)

 

And finally…

1. Regardless of age, shape, size or color, love knows no boundaries

(Sigh.)

 

 

 

 

*NOTE* pictures are all from actual Cirque du Soleil shows

 

I didn't create these. But I thought them apt to say what I could not say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This isn't all. There's more. I just could not find the art- neither pictures nor words nor music- to express it.

 

Hello everyone! If your grade school alma mater is St. Benedict Childhood Education Centre, and you are currently residing in Cebu, please leave a comment here or text me at 09188252378.

 

I’ve lost touch with most of my batchmates, unfortunately, especially since I’ve lost more than one SIM card through the years. I’ll be really glad to hear from any other Batch ’98 graduates, even if not for this reason, but simply to keep in touch.

 

Hit me back!

Pami

NAMES MY FRIENDS HAVE CALLED ME OVER THE YEARS

(and other names I’ve used for one reason or another)

 

*I can’t remember all the nicknames everyone’s given me, so if you have one for me, or haven’t been properly credited, do post a comment. ;D I’ll continue to edit this.*

 

Pam- my family. Not very original, huh?

 

Mel/ Meltira- my grade school “code name”. Some close elementary friends knew this one. Hahaha!

 

 

Prinsesang Hindi Umiiyak- Grade 1 classmates. Yes, I remember. Hehe.

 

2E- My grade school best friend Trinka

 

Cijam/ C-jam- I dubbed myself in Grade 6. My high school barkada called me this in the early days.

 

Pamz- I dubbed myself in high school. my high school barkada and batchmates, my college batchmates.

 

Jimmy Corr/ bro- Jopet and Mitch

 

Dylan/ Angel- Jopet and Mitch

 

Nyora/ Nyor/ Nyorita- Nyor Bing

 

Idlewilde/ Jillybean- my MIRC chatmates

 

Sister- Ja-ne, in freshie year

 

Stella Bonella- my Girl Scout troop. My “Lady of the Night” name, hahaha!

 

Bessie- Erin

 

Pamee- by Erin, at first. Niño and Nina, too.

 

Pamzilla- invented by Ken in freshie high school. Many of my high school batchmates still call me this…

 

Pamzimimininikins or Pamzimini for short- Chin/ Tabby.

 

Daphne II – high school, Greek mythology play

 

Aphrodite- High school prom

 

Psycho Bitch- BWB

 

Pamzeeh- Gittel, Zih, Wen, Jo, college friends, Django

 

Pamzee- Nal, Tabby, Armi, Vernie

 

Pami- Vinci invented this spelling

 

Pamy/ Pammy- Nyor Bing’s spelling, Django, Darren

 

Pammie- Yet another alternate spelling by various friends. Hehehe.

 

Pamsicles- by Jeem, who tagged me. Hehehe.

 

Pamzkin- Niño/ Vinci

 

Pamieh-  I’m not sure of the spelling, but it’s something like this, lol. By Mikey.

 

Corpse Bride- Aldrich, hehe.

 

Akasha, Queen of the Damned- Waddade…God rest his soul.

 

Sparkling Di- Q

 

Satine- Q

 

Reyna ng Kabaklaan/ Queen of Fairies- my officemates. How apt. Hehe.

 

Esta- many of my male high school batchmates.

 

Jessica Simpson- Zwirl, back then. Don’t remember why, but I used to call her Britney.

 

Real Clothes- Rhina

 

Bi/ Baby/ Bibi- Lauden and Tita Daisy

 

Elise Dantes/ Elise Beatrix- my online identity.

 

Pomeranian- Youtube. Lol.

 

Michelle- Random people at night-out spots. My fault. Lol. ;D

 

Golden Cathorse- Jor-el

 

Goldfish- VOJ

 

Goddess of Discord/ Eris- my Goddess Friends. ;D

 

Ma’am Pam- Ruth

 

Ate Pam/ te Pamz- most people younger than me, except my actual siblings. Lol!

 

Fellow root of all human suffering- Django

 

Geisha Girl- Budoy

 

Weow- Raymund

 

Mengofish- Q

 

Bai- high school friends

 

Goth Girl- Raymund, Niño in the early days

 

Strong- VOJ

Soprano 1.5- VOP Sopranos

 

Ate Paming- dahong Laya

 

White Lady- Wen

Blooper Partner- Steph

 

Lamella “Gothiq” Killed- Raymund

 

Lady Goth- Chin

 

Pizza Pam- Build Abilities peeps. My fault, as well. Heehee.

 

Pamzeehdoodledoo- Jeem

 

Mary Grace- Hazel

 

Dark Angel- Liz

 

Pamarra- Evee

 

Mastercard Silver- Nyca

 

Minggay- Hazel

 

Pam Pam- Liz (grrrrrrrrrrrr)

 

Pameekins- Nina

8 years together and continually evolving (from a reunion group of former USC choristers to a choir-with-orchestra, to shedding that orchestra, members moving in and out, until finally accepting from the new generation)-

Voices of Praise Carmel has finally updated their lineup in time for upcoming projects, without breaking the old routines.

 

Some members are transcient- that is to say, they come and go depending on their work schedules or if they are in the country, but being a VOP member is a lifetime commitment, and their names are still here in the line-up.

 

 

 

Fresh from Simala and still in the process of recording “Songs From the Web of Life”, VOP is on a roll, please God. 6 VOP Boys have recently done us proud in the 23^rd Annual Marian Festival with a successful performance of Jay-Arr’s original composition- “Maria Among Inahan.” And that’s faulty soundsystems and rainstorms aside.  Nyor, Doc Aitoy, Niño, Polanski, Jay-arr and Jor-el--- WE PROUD YOU!!! :D

 

 

Recent collaborative efforts with our dearest Soundtech Bal Ynclino, our resident genius Msgr. Rudy Villanueva, imported-from-Dumaguete pianista Gina Raaken, Composers Jude Gitamondoc and Sr. Ofelia Ibañez, our very own arranger-trainor-conductor Paul Salipong and many, many more who’ve helped us along the way.

 

 

 

 

 

So, here’s the new lineup, to be edited if I make any errors, hehehe:

 

SOPRANO: [don't be fooled by the voices- they are up to no good.]

Rhina Rose “Ainee” Echivarre

Georg Laurente

Jessica “Jeem” McYorker

Rhea Mae “Yema” Judilla

Pamela Therese “Pami” Estalilla

Aureen Gene “Indin” Malacaste

Angie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALTO: [Official Chuwariwap girls]

Carah Magadan

Daisy Mancao

Fleur de Liz “Dely” Tubio

Irene Yap

Nina Isabel Noval

Maya New Yorker

Erin May Bulfango

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

TENOR: [VOP's version of a boyband]

Dr. Arturo “Aitoy” Mancao

Hubert “You Tube” Tubio Jr

Niño Ybañez

Jay-Arr “Jeo” Librando

Jeffrey “Jeep” Lape

Large Fries-and-Coke

Manny Noval

Rexy Ruiz

Ranie Ortega

 

 

BASS: [determined by the size of your tummy]

Albert “Bing” Lim

Paul Tiburtius “Polanski” Salipong
Joey Magalzo

Kit "San Miguel" Jayme

Martin (forgot last name)

Vincent Paul “Vince” Gaton

Johnreil “Jor-el” Librando

 

I don’t think I’ve really gotten around to spreading the word that my phone’s lost/stolen, so here goes. Sorry if you’ve texted me lately and got no response. Please erase my old number.

 

 

I don’t have a new one yet either; funds are low and so I’m just borrowing a phone and SIM as of the moment. My temporary number is 09188252378. Please post a comment or PM me your numbers. (Or text me if that’s more convenient.)

 

 

Thanks, people! :D